Archives for posts with tag: life

Well I know my record here has been rather spotty. As well this is a blog about my life lol.

Things have gotten good and some areas not so. I’m still unemployed but thanks to my best friend she is helping me get my car out asap so I can get a job that is willing to hire me. I’m low on cash and the personal care home is using a Lawyer to attack me anytime I’m late on rent. I’m only 2 weeks late within that month it is due. I never pay too late unless something came up. For the past couple of months they have been jerking me around. Claiming I’m abusing my grandma. If not stealing from her and if not that threatening to become her payee while not crediting me the amount I overpaid time to time. I have had it with these people and with the mechanic giving me the runaround with my car. One minute it’s done the next it’s not. One minute I owe nothing next I owe 200. I’m hoping this will be the last 200 they will get out of me and I want my car that day I want to know if all it needs is stickers placed it on I want to be there to see it get in my car and drive home.

Now for the love life I guess. Well it’s been effy. Loverboy and me are on the rocks and I just no longer care to be beached by the friendship. An older man is trying his way through but I’m not interested in him due to the age gap and his temperament. He might seem nice and caring like a father but I don’t need someone to dictate what I can and cannot do if I want to be in a relationship with him. Too restrictive to me. I’m still young and I want to enjoy myself before I buckle down with a career, so why not explore myself this summer with a job and live life as a 20 something. While he on the other hand is 22 plus me and is already set in his ways and wants me to himself. :/ Not so much for me. Sure I wouldn’t mind being a relationship but I rather have a choice in who I want to be with. Just because you are attracted to me doesn’t me I have to go out with you or be with you. But at least I met someone really nice and cute and I’m more attracted to him than the older guy and we get a long great. Well as of now we do. He’s more closer to age range and more up my alley. He respects my bounds and wishes vs. the older guy who is making fences of where and what I can do to get his love. But I hope that wasn’t confusing lol.

So besides that I lost some inches and I’m hoping to keep going to reach another goal. So besides I’m a licensed driver and I missed out on so many jobs because of the car and the mechanic, I’m sure I’ll be updating this saying hey I got a job and a boyfriend. 😀 But lets hope for job 1st!.

Take care everyone!



That is what I want, to be like two wild dogs in heat.

To enjoy a day or two with someone…


of the male gender….

Lock eyes like a sniper on the roof

and let the motion take us away….

In the instant lock lips and lower ones guard and let his soul in with mine just a scratch on the surface…


To embrace like angels yet roll around in each others filth like lesser animals…

To peel away the cloth that lines us and to mate like alley cats in the darkness….

                        Sex is a very beautiful yet nasty thing yet it makes us feel 

                                empowered and raw at the same time

Well it happened. I’ll be out of a home, car and dog thanks to false allegations and laws and family drama. Today I received a phone call from a lawyer who works for the State about Elder care and they are investigating me and my grandma from a report she made of me stealing her money. Since I’ve been unemployed and seems like I can’t catch a break with a job has countered against me. Just when I got a job offer. Since the timing is also playing a role I wouldn’t be able to have a job to support the house either. So my only choice is to sell my car and find a new place for Molly and sell the house and give the estate or my grandma all of the money from it. So my move now is to move out and soon. Just after I talked to the gas and water companies about the bills now I must find a way to settle all of this. I’m also going to let my dad know he can be her poa since he told me he will make my life a living hell. Since he has more money and more connections I will let him do it. So my plan is to move away to another state. Most likely out west somewhere. Until then I’ll keep you guys posted. Thanks for being the ears and shoulders to talk and cry to.

can you help?

Can anyone help me to raise money for my car and my grandma 😦 I really need help. If you guys can read it please do. If you want to know more just message me or comment here. Thank you!


To all my friends here. Due to the lack of funds and lack of help from my family and money going into my car. I will not be online for the rest of the month. I’m behind on the internet and on my phone bill. I have only myself to blame for buying a car, not having a job soon as I thought, and relying on a family member who apparently can not keep their promises. So until I can pay the bill in two weeks I’ll be back online and on the phone. Until then I’ll be fine. Thanks. I feel like somewhere I fail. Maybe I did maybe I didn’t but please pray, hope, wish that I get a job soon. I’m doing all that I can do. It seems like things were going well and then nose dive down. I just hope things get better soon. Thanks again for listening.


As I walk through this concrete jungle. In search of a kindred soul. A twin flame. A long lost friend, a lover if you will. My soul and body aching for another. A soft voice, a well mannered, loving soul. As I’m growing older I’m still looking, yearning, and wishing that someone out there is feeling the same as I do. Someone who wants me as I am.

Title says it all!

I now have my driver’s license!!! 😀

“You can’t save the condemned my dear”

from a stranger to me…

Well it’s been a roller coaster of hell rather than of love. It’s like boy meets(talks) to girl. Girl thinks boy is cute while the boy is head over heels over mountain over her. Girl tells boy how she feels about him and then boy tells girl how much he wants her and wants her to be happy. Girl feels good and tells boy however she isn’t interested in dating as of now. Boy gets angry and calls girl every name in the book.

Yup that’s my current luck with men.

I stay forward and truthful and yet I get called out of my name again.


Doesn’t anyone know what it is to take one’s time to know someone else?

I mean grant it we live in a fast paced world and though I am old fashioned I like to get to know a person in person not behind a screen. I do genuinely care about people but it’s hard for me to gather feelings for a person who i barely know or barely see. I can’t fall in love or head over heels it doesn’t work like that. It takes time for me to actually get to that. It’s how my mind and heart works.


But in this world no seems to understand that let alone care…

So it’s like when you tell someone how you feel but not all the layers of it it’s like they don’t talk to you to let you explain the rest. They just hear what they want and then hurt you with the truth. To hear that you were never the only one let alone they never loved you just cared. While you still had them close to you in your heart. You still loved them though you say you just had love for them. To be afraid to admit your love never really died it just blossomed. But you were afraid to tell them the truth. Well, now there is a void in my heart. A very deep void. I feel like no matter what he will never truly know how I felt about him. I can only move on since he hasn’t called in two days let along called me back to hear the rest .It feels like a knife not only cut into me but ripped me apart. But it’s life. Sometimes the things we don’t want to say will eat at you and when you do let it out the right person never gets to hear it. They never get to hear you say good bye. I feel like it’s time I close this chapter seeing how I fell for another pretty face and a personality that made me laugh…All I was to him was another girl on his friend zone and he knew I really wished we could had been something. The sex was nothing. Just a lesson in life. The hugs, just assurance that he “cared”. That’s all I could hear from him that he cared a lot. But he cared deeply about other women and it’s complicated. In other words there was another woman he loved, but it;s just my assumption. So here I am pouring out my heart and never go to the root of my feelings. The feelings of chaos. A inner war and conflict of wanting him and wanting to walk away. Love and lust against my fears of rejection and never being good enough for him. A part of me still feels there is a chance but I keep telling myself like I’ve been for the 3 years it will never be. It feels like a knife not only cut into me but ripped me apart.

It will never be at all…

So when I can get myself together I’ll change my number and address and close this chapter once and for all. If he really did “cared” he would had been there when I really needed him. When I called for him. I never hid anything from him yet he was the whole time….