Archives for posts with tag: family

Well it happened. I’ll be out of a home, car and dog thanks to false allegations and laws and family drama. Today I received a phone call from a lawyer who works for the State about Elder care and they are investigating me and my grandma from a report she made of me stealing her money. Since I’ve been unemployed and seems like I can’t catch a break with a job has countered against me. Just when I got a job offer. Since the timing is also playing a role I wouldn’t be able to have a job to support the house either. So my only choice is to sell my car and find a new place for Molly and sell the house and give the estate or my grandma all of the money from it. So my move now is to move out and soon. Just after I talked to the gas and water companies about the bills now I must find a way to settle all of this. I’m also going to let my dad know he can be her poa since he told me he will make my life a living hell. Since he has more money and more connections I will let him do it. So my plan is to move away to another state. Most likely out west somewhere. Until then I’ll keep you guys posted. Thanks for being the ears and shoulders to talk and cry to.

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Though even if one doesn’t ask you lend your words only for it to backfire. If one does ask still one will tell you no its not true you don’t understand you don’t know anything about how I feel.

Though it will hurt to hear yourself actually when you been there.
¬†When you felt that all life isn’t worth living or that you’re not beautiful. You can say kind words the same that was spoken to you but you have to believe it to make it true. Yet when you try the same approach you end up hearing yourself and you have two choices. Speak positively or just say nothing. Both can end up having results you may not want to see. It is hard sometimes trying to convince yourself as well it will get better. Life has to get better but its only when you try to. Even when the odds are against you say something speak up reach out do something don’t try just do it. There are ways to keep living just push through the bad yet I see posts here and elsewhere saying not to say anything nice to someone who is going through something yet no one reached out when I was cutting, when I try to drink bleach. When I wanted to just run away and wished I was dead or would purposely run in front of a car just to hope they would kill me. I’ve been there done that. I’m still fighting against my own demons and maybe I care too much to help when no one asked. I accept hearing you can’t help me you don’t know me or hearing I never asked for you help or your pity leave me alone. I hear it too many times. All I can do is just hope maybe someone out there would keep going. Just keep going once you actually make a change within yourself to see the sun when it is raining. To see the moon when it is dark. Just keep going because someone out there wish they could see the world like you can. Wish they had a mother or father to lean on. A good friend to talk to. I however no longer have that. MY parents tried to get rid of me, my only father died and my grandmother is clinically insane in a way. My best friend stop talking to me and I fell in love with a man who doesn’t know what he wants or let alone may fear to even say I love you back. Yet I used what was given to me to get what I need and still working on getting myself on my own. Sure there are bills that say late, past due, notice and I still try to make it. I just wish my life would be more easier but I see it will only get harder from here so why not enjoy the little things I do have. A car, a shelter. a dog who listens to me, food and water. Yet I still wish to have some sort of emotional attachment or at least someone here with me since being alone can really bring you down. But I try to keep my head up remembering that time heals and it keeps going. Like the sands from yesterday aren’t here today but the sands of tomorrow of course will come and go as well. Keep moving and don’t let the past stop since it isn’t here to block you.