Archives for posts with tag: emotions

That is what I want, to be like two wild dogs in heat.

To enjoy a day or two with someone…


of the male gender….

Lock eyes like a sniper on the roof

and let the motion take us away….

In the instant lock lips and lower ones guard and let his soul in with mine just a scratch on the surface…


To embrace like angels yet roll around in each others filth like lesser animals…

To peel away the cloth that lines us and to mate like alley cats in the darkness….

                        Sex is a very beautiful yet nasty thing yet it makes us feel 

                                empowered and raw at the same time


Despite this late late night or early early morning post I’m still shaking a little. I feel like my heart was ripped out. Still I feel a mix of remorse and mix of relief in a way. For the past year was really hell in way. To find out that the person you were falling in love with was showing mixed signs of interest can really wreck your mind and blow you into pieces. Saturday he said he will be here to help and then leave me for good. In a way I don’t want to see him but I don’t want him to leave. Its like yin and yang. I want to see the light but I don’t want to be left in the dark but I bask in the dark but not see the light. I don’t know what to say really. Mostly after the talk with is friend made me cry to the point I started to shake badly. I started to shiver and cry and I started to feel sick. It really hurts. But when he called I was numb and I didn’t have much to say since he really didn’t let me say much. A part of me feels maybe I should had kept quiet but I couldn’t take anymore. Promises he never kept and then say he never made them and saying I was wrong. If there wasn’t anything wrong I wouldn’t be upset. I wouldn’t say anything in fact I wouldn’t be here still shaking, in a way hoping that maybe he might stay as a friend. But I doubt it. I just don’t understand why he acts as if he never did anything wrong. Why he can’t seem to see where I am. To still believe that I had someone call him last time when I explained I didn’t tell them to they did it upon himself but he still doesn’t believe it. I just don’t know what to do. If I should let go of him for good or still wait? I just don’t know. Its like the other thing that bothered me was he was telling one person one thing and then telling me another. So now my trust with him is kinda damaged. I feel like he’s just like my dad telling me what he wants me to hear and then telling someone else something else. 😦 and that’s what made me cry as well. To fall in love with someone who isn’t showing me any care or taking any time with me. That’s all I asked as well as telling me what he wanted to do. But he never did…So I wondering where I went wrong. Any suggestions of what I did wrong?

Watching her move with the rhythm with you makes my heart sink with sorrow. As she as me a kindred soul with you. Her dress shimmers with golden silk wrapping your body with hers. As I long for that once more as you two melt upon the altar. Her eyes like mine the same day we locked eyes too. The static fills the room as her lips like mine at one time join to seal the love within. But here I am now that woman I saw with you.

Your gaze captures my soul and set it in stone.Your voice lures me into the water knowing I can’t swim towards you.Your touch intoxicates me to the point of no return. Shivers run through when your anger seeps out. Tears rush down as an avalanche tumbles down into a forest when you hold me. Your passion flows through the tips of your hands and wraps me tightly. As if you are imprisoning me under your rule. Your love mixed with lust is my early morning drug to escape your ghost that lives with me in your absence. Yet even now I can’t seem to shake you off of my mind. Every morning, evening, and night I feel you yearn after me. I feel you wanting me.

Don't let it get to you

how i feel when depressed

Learn to duck…

Today I visited grandma on valentines of course. She had a memory lapse and didn’t remember me calling her nor seeing her when I called her when I got home. It has been a rough 4 years with this. Her thyroid is causing this onset of dementia and emotionally it has torn me apart. Lately my dad is trying to get back in my life and I don’t want him in my life. After what he did to me left me with scars on my face and back, called me out of my name a few times and then expect me to love him as a father. Pardon my french but I must say this FUCK THAT SHIT! While I’m sitting here munching on terra thai basil chips I can really go for a drink again. My emotions are again being bottled up and I feel like drinking again. In a way my emotions are turning cold but I want warm up but until someone really wants to help me warm up I guess I’ll be a bit cold…