So it’s like when you tell someone how you feel but not all the layers of it it’s like they don’t talk to you to let you explain the rest. They just hear what they want and then hurt you with the truth. To hear that you were never the only one let alone they never loved you just cared. While you still had them close to you in your heart. You still loved them though you say you just had love for them. To be afraid to admit your love never really died it just blossomed. But you were afraid to tell them the truth. Well, now there is a void in my heart. A very deep void. I feel like no matter what he will never truly know how I felt about him. I can only move on since he hasn’t called in two days let along called me back to hear the rest .It feels like a knife not only cut into me but ripped me apart. But it’s life. Sometimes the things we don’t want to say will eat at you and when you do let it out the right person never gets to hear it. They never get to hear you say good bye. I feel like it’s time I close this chapter seeing how I fell for another pretty face and a personality that made me laugh…All I was to him was another girl on his friend zone and he knew I really wished we could had been something. The sex was nothing. Just a lesson in life. The hugs, just assurance that he “cared”. That’s all I could hear from him that he cared a lot. But he cared deeply about other women and it’s complicated. In other words there was another woman he loved, but it;s just my assumption. So here I am pouring out my heart and never go to the root of my feelings. The feelings of chaos. A inner war and conflict of wanting him and wanting to walk away. Love and lust against my fears of rejection and never being good enough for him. A part of me still feels there is a chance but I keep telling myself like I’ve been for the 3 years it will never be. It feels like a knife not only cut into me but ripped me apart.

It will never be at all…

So when I can get myself together I’ll change my number and address and close this chapter once and for all. If he really did “cared” he would had been there when I really needed him. When I called for him. I never hid anything from him yet he was the whole time….