Well my sweet experience has turned sour yet again. Another let down and a broken promise coming from the same voice who said not to give up on them. Mixed signals, rejected phone calls, calls of concern and tears. Emotions mixed like m&ms and skittles to say the least. I had enough of it. Either he wants me as a friend, lover, acquaintance or stay as strangers. Either he tells me he trusts me but tells another he trusts no one. Its been one year and 5 months since I last saw him, hugged him and gave him a loving kiss. He knew I fell in love with him. He knew I cared deeply for him that I made time during a storm that I though would never go away. He promised me he would help me, stand by me, and I could count on him always. But now he’s playing another tune, that he wants me to stand alone. He gives me excuses on why he couldn’t see me or why he somehow forgot his promise and never dared to call me during a 3 day to 2 week waiting period. A lot of time to think about what he said and if he can or could make it. Last night I was angry at him. He said he would help me over the weekend and heaven behold he never called. I called him to see if there was a change of plans. He told me last week not to worry he will help this weekend and we’ll talk about it later. Later became two days later when I called. I waited almost all day for him to return the call to hear he was busy or tired instead he made the decision to blow me off completely join with his friends and do a bike trail. For the past year he would say he will take me out for dinner instead he takes his friends out or close friend.*assuming its a woman* Then tell me he simply forgot or he feels I’m not ready to see him or he has too much on him. He even promised to see my grandma and she was waiting for him all weekend long before she got sick. She was heartbroken and almost crying she really wanted to see him and he gave me and her two different stories. Yet he claims he has no recollection of it. I told him last night how i felt that I have no friends to believe or trust anymore. He said he feels the same that no one cares about him and when he was sick no one cared. Which wasn’t true. I called. I called him repeatedly because I was worried sick about him. It wasn’t oh I want to see him I haven’t heard from him for days then. When he answered the phone then he was annoyed and I never felt so hurt until last night. Claiming that no one cares and no one loves him. When I did and he never let me care of him I showed him compassion, I asked him if he wanted me to this or that when he was tired or sick. But he never replied or just said he will call me back. Only to hear from him 2 days or a week later. No more. I gave him time, I isolated myself from him to try to detach myself from him, I even gave him the attention he wanted, I told him how I felt and how he makes me feel both on a good day and when he says something mean to me. If I’m such a bitch to him then so be it. I’m not going to let him make me into something that I am not. I’m not going to be miserable because he is. I’m just going to do what I’ve been trying to do even if its hard to do on my own but I’m going to try. My heart felt like as if he again just squeezed it. Maybe one day when this river runs dry maybe just maybe he’ll miss it.

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