Well finally I got to talk but I’m not finish however spilling my guts out to him. In a way I know waht I want but it so much on waiting on what he wants. He’s starting to fear again about some things and I want to calm him down about it. Grandma was doing better today and gave me some good advice. Put it on the table. Just like that she said. Just tell him how you feel and what you think and listen to what he says in return of what he feels and what he wants. I want him to be happy I don’t want to be the one to make him miserble if he doesn’t want to be with me and if he does I don’t want him to feel embarrassed or whatever. But trying to go back into a platonic relationship as friends however isn’t going to be easy. I have a tendency to say things that could make it awkward or cause some unwanted attention drawn to him or me. In a way I don’t want a platonic friendship it would be way too awkward and I couldn’t be able to retract back to the beginning. But if thats what he wants it will be a challenge. I hope though maybe I can talk to him in person soon maybe so I will be able to get all of this off my chest once and for all so I can finally stop guessing or assuming. I wish he was more vocal though but I understand not all people are vocal and the ones who are quiet at the wrong times are usually the ones who need someone to listen them.

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