So here I am torn yet again over the same man. A man who I’ve been friends with for 2 years going back and forth in a romantic stage and then friends then sex then friends and then romance and then friends again. I feel in a way I want to be with him more than just a friend but both as a lover and friend. We’ve been there for each other when one was at their worse and best. I know he will never change and somehow I still want to be with him. Still support him and do anything I can to make him happy and feel at least loved. But my mind wants to go like everyone else been saying. My mind wants to please everyone else yet my heart is saying hey if you really want to be with someone you have to take the good with the bad. So here I am falling again for a man who people are surprised that I like. I notice for awhile age and race is playing a factor in how people welcome our frienship. But both of us seem not to care. Yet another friend who has a crush on me is well jealous the one I wrote about I will make you love me post. I feel that he is jealous and from him repeating the same thing over and over it caused me to kinda just overload. To see what he was telling me was true when it wasn’t. He did it to a friend of mine as well hence we’re not friends. So I feel in a way my mind and heart is at war. My mind doesn’t want to lose the friend I’ve known for 5 years to someone for 2 yet my heart wants to let go of the one who is jealous. The sad part is the friend for 5 years doesn’t live by me and we never dated yet he acts like we did. Hence the jealousy. I don’t get.

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