my favorite bowl cup broken

broken to the part it cannot be fixed completely…

While I’m sitting here listening to Coheed and Cambria I just feel like I’m back being a little aloof about being alone. My friendship with someone is well now dead completely. It was already on life support after an incident and was dead and brought for the sake of someone having a power trip or guilt trip perhaps? I feel like it is a reason why it fell apart. They just seem not to even see what they did wrong and well for me I saw what I did wrong and what I did right and no matter what I did nothing helped. I kept getting excuses or explanations about how they couldn’t just spend any time with me. Instead I get how they can’t help me but its not the help I want it’s the companionship, someone to talk to someone to listen to, someone to be there to go to the mall or con or whatever was going on that weekend. Instead I get “i want you to be strong on your own” or “I didn’t had anyone to be there for me when I was sick” blah blah. But yet they could spend time with thier friends and then tell me they don’t go anywhere when they do. I hate it when people tell me that. It’s like you really saying I don’t want to spend my time with you because I’m not into you anymore or I don’t feel like being around you anymore. In a way I feel like they got tired of me after a while knowing that I was taking care of a family member which wasn’t easy but when I had the time to get out nothing. When I was able to buy both parties tickets and transportation to six flags or King’s dominion they never called me back in the time they told me they would. Instead I heard from them in almost a week about 4 or 5 days later but they didn’t even mention about going just kept pushing it back. I feel like they got what they really wanted out of me and I feel I learned my lesson. I feel that I shouldn’t open up to quickly or be too eager to please someone even when you are dating or friends. If they can’t do it for you then why do it for them. I saw that I was the one giving too much and not getting anything back. Maybe advice but when I didn’t follow it I would get jumped on or yelled at. In a way I kinda glad I didn’t take all the advice and some I did it another way and I got the results I knew I would get. I think now I should find someone who would listen to me and actually pay attention, do what they say they will do, spend time with me when I just need a day to get away from my stress and lastly someone who isn’t going to try to control me or try ot take my freedom away. So now I know. If someone is interested in you they would follow you on a blog you tell them about, add you when you find theirs or another account and not try to hide you from thier family or friends. I just don’t know why people are like that, ya know, it hurts in a way though. To get yelled at a couple times when you expressed how you feel and they don’t want to listen to you and your opinion or feelings are wrong when they just can’t seem to see what you are going or feeling from them. 😦

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