Archives for the month of: January, 2013

Well i finally got the car of my dreams, sure its not the smancy VImageR-4 I was hoping but hey it’s a starter car I’m just learning how to drive lol.


Lately I’ve been down in the dumps but now I’m setting back to being kinda content. Despite I’ve been told I sound sad or look unhappy I’m back to being me again. I don’t feel sad nor do I feel giddy. Happy to be alive of course but lately I think it’s time to apologize to some of you guys here. I’m sorry that I either had you worried about me. I feel terrible when people do worry and I think next time I’ll keep my mouth close now on. The only way to not feel guilty all the time about something is to be quiet about it. I’m an adult now and I have to solve my problems the best way and not ask for advice anymore. I’m not a little fat girl with a cute face anymore. I’m a overweight adult woman who needs to know that people aren’t nice or want to be your friend because they care. I’ve been told too many times by some people that they was only my friend or was going to date me because they felt sorry for me. Well I don’t feel sorry about myself anymore and I don’t want someone to be with me just because they feel sorry. No more pity parties for me. I’m just going to cry it out alone like I’ve been doing before I got the internet and just push my way like was doing and stop being dependent on anyone. I just wish I could just erased this from you memories. I just wish I never did let it go this far. I have to learn that out of sight is out of mind and it should apply to those who aren’t here to see it with their own eyes. Now I know that it’s better to be empathic to others but don’t expect them to be the same or to show sympathy in return. If only I wasn’t so weak to just break down or cry on the phone. Now I feel guilty as if I’m a needy depenent grub. Something that was told to me not to be. To be strong means not to cry to people or talk about what is really bothering you since it not anyone business but yours. So I apologize to those who is owed one. I’m sorry to those who wanted to be with me but saw my life was too much to juggle. I’m sorry to the ones who walked away because it was hurting them as well. I however am not sorry to those who only wanted something of me but was quite cold about it and was selfish when they wanted the same attention.

For the last year a “friend” or so, I don’t know what to call him, has been saying he’ll visit me or hang out with me or do something for that matter and hasn’t done anything he promised or said at all. For a whole year. I’m getting quite fed up, one minute he was to be with me next minute he doesn’t call, visit, text, any type of communication he hasn’t done it at all. I feel like I’m the one chasing after him when I really shouldn’t. He never checks out any of my stuff let alone seem to care like he says he does. He seems not to really take anything seriously anymore. Well I’m not taking him seriously anymore. I just don’t know what to do. I wish someone out there would give him a wake up call that I’m ready to walk out of his life completely. It’s like playing musical chairs with my head and heart. He rather spend time with his “friends”, who I don’t even know and never met and we’ve been talking for 2 years too, or spend his weekend alone when he would say we can hang out that weekend. I just wish he would stop acting so flaky and shady, since he always has girls calling him cute and such but heaven forbid I do that on his facebook. *sigh* I just wish I could find someone better….

Feels like something I too am going through…

After much consideration I think I will make my 1st blog here. I have a tumblr by the same address I do believe. Will update later when I can. So please sit back and relax keep your feet and hands inside the car at all times. This is a personal yet public blog about reaching my goals. Goals in areas of life such as buying a car and inheriting another car making two cars in my possession. Getting two diplomas in two trades. Beating the odds of people telling me I will never get it or not believing I’m capable of handling some things or anything. Sharing personal stories on how hard it is when you’re trying to get into a job where its mostly men who are in it and how alot of men think or feel that I can’t do it. My goals in personal stuff like geting a boyfriend X3, making new friends and hopefully start a band. I’m determined to get something out of this life. Rather I get a car of my dreams and work on it and get a great job and maybe owning my business of restoring cars and reparing them or landing a good job in construction or and having a band wether its a small town band or maybe make it big I’m determined to relearn my guitar!. I’m determined to be able to handle things on my own tor the most part. This blog will be my adventures through my days and hopefully years. So thanks in advance to anyone who follows me here and on my tumblr. My tumblr is more about well tumblring lol. While here will be more personal and more about my rants and worries and good stuff and sometimes random things. SO enjoy!